Grand Theft Tacos

             With my eye on the schedule for book signings at Barnes & Noble locations in the Tri-State area, I circled my calender for New York Giants head coach Tom Coughlin's appearance in midtown Manhattan. He's currently making the rounds at several area Barnes & Noble stores to promote his new book entitled "Earn The Right To Win". Being a big Giants fan and the fact Coughlin has been the head coach for two Superbowl championships during his tenure; seeing him in person and getting an autograph was a no-brainer. The schedule time for the autograph session to begin was 12:30 pm, but knowing there will likely be a line forming hours before that, I needed to get down to the city sooner so I could get a good spot and not have to wait forever to see Coughlin. I put on my Giants gear, in the form of a sweatshirt and woolen hat (the same items I wore last year in cold Green Bay when I traveled to watch Giants advance in the playoffs), and made for the subway.

             The train ride was quick and I arrived at the store location on the corner of 5th and East 46th street about 10:30am. I had about two hours of waiting time before me. There were about fifteen people on the line already when I got there, so I rushed inside to buy a copy of the book and then came back out to claim my place. The way the signings work at Barnes & Noble is naturally you have to buy a copy of the book there that the author is going to sign. The autograph is of the author's name only; no personalization or custom messages. You're not allowed to bring anything else to be autographed and there's no posing for pictures with the author. You can't even hand the author the actual book for them to sign, an employee has to hand it to the author and then back to you. So although its still a fun experience to meet someone of notoriety and watch them sign an item for you, the system Barnes & Noble has in place keeps you sectioned off as much as possible as if you're contaminated with the black plague or something. Plus there's a machine process of 'get your autograph and get out', there doesn't seem to be much opportunity for a question or comment to share with the author. Since I've only experienced book signings for Barnes & Noble locations in the city, perhaps that has alot to do with the strictness whereas the outer boroughs and Jersey might be more relaxed, but I have a feeling they all follow the same protocol.

             The price for the book in the US lists for twenty-five dollars, but due to the event promotion it came out to only twenty-two dollars. The cashier didn't ask if I was a Barnes & Noble member (which I am)  nor did I think of being proactive about it, but I could've possibly have gotten an additional two dollars off with my membership card. With my baggy Giants sweatshirt on the cashier knew which book I wanted almost immediately. My place on the line was near the street corner, a shaded block with no sun and a slight chill in the air. Depending on which Barnes & Noble it is, some have the line outside and some have it indoors. People passing by on their way to work would see most of us dressed in Giants gear and make wisecracks such as, "where's the tailgate party?" Others would ask who was signing inside, and when some tourists asked and were told it was Coughlin, from the look on their faces it seemed they had no clue who he was. I brought a book with me from home to help pass the time, but standing up reading in the cold with no gloves wasn't very appetizing, so I needed to find another form of amusement.A Brinks armored car stopped at the corner and a guard exited the vehicle with a large black bag. He went into the Barnes & Noble, I believe, and came back about five minutes later with the bag likely filled with cash. I contemplated grabbing the bag as a way to help pass the time, but I realized I might end up losing my spot on the line if I did that.

              After the armored truck left a Dunkin Donuts representative stood at the corner and held a sign pointing to a store location in the middle of the block on E. 46th. Holding the sign up for a half-hour might've been another possible way to kill the clock, but it looked very boring to him so I was probably just better off leaning against the wall. That's when a guy behind me about my age on the line asked if I was a Yankee fan, in which I replied yes. He then handed me a small 2013 season schedule booklet, and once I accepted it, I would be in for an earful the rest of the way. At first we shared some general sports stories and spoke about other autographs opportunities we had gotten in the past. Eventually the conversation turned to pro wrestling and that's when he went off like he had a case of Energizer batteries in his head. I have some extensive professional wrestling knowledge in my head as well, but this guy was really into it and still watches it religiously to this day whereas I tailed off finally around 2004. Since we were the only two people really speaking to each other on the line, basically everyone would be hearing our conversation. He seemed so passionate about it that I noticed his voice went a few chords higher than when we first started talking and I could tell others on the line were likely sick and tired of hearing about wrestling. I didn't want to be rude, so I kept conversing with him, but my replies were growing shorter in hopes the conversation would settle down to a moderate level. I have to admit though talking to him let the time fly by quicker and it was almost 12:30pm before I knew it.

             An employee brought us inside finally and to the upstairs level where the autograph session would take place. Security guards and other workers were stationed all over the place to make sure everyone stayed in line and followed the Barnes & Noble regulations. My new friend next to me kept going off on wrestling issues and now that we were indoors, it only seemed the more louder. I could feel the eyes from others on the line burning a hole through my thick Giants sweatshirt. The line then started moving to the final destination of Tom Coughlin and I couldn't be anymore happier. As we approached the side of the table he was signing from, people were allowed to take pictures, but once we got to the front of the table, then no more pictures were allowed (I managed to sneak in one). Even though we were seconds away from the autograph, the guy behind me kept going and going and going about wrestling. I saw people were able to shake Coughlin's hand and none of the security guards made a fuss about it, but I figured I would just give him a 'thank you' and leave it at that. A different gentleman in front of me on the line tried to pull a fast one; he first had Coughlin sign the book cover, then he boldly approached the table on his own and had tried to get a second autograph of the inside cover. The Barnes & Noble gestapo were all over that guy in two seconds and took the book away from the table. They told him to go downstairs and buy another book if he wanted a second autograph. Next it was my turn and all eyes were on me to make sure I too didn't do anything crazy. I put the whole handshake idea out of my mind and just said "thanks, coach" after he carefully signed my book. Then Coughlin looked upon my Giants sweatshirt and hat and remarked, "that's a nice outfit you got on". I gave him another 'thanks' and was on my way. Overall he was very friendly and allowed people to engage with him a little.

             As I was leaving the area with my signed book I could hear the wrestling fan's voice behind me thanking Coughlin and wishing all sorts of praise. I'm not sure how that was going to turn out or what the Barnes & Noble gestapo had in store for him if he went overboard with his praises, all I wanted to do is get out of that store as soon as possible. It wasn't even 1pm yet when I got out and I had the option of either going home or staying in the city to get lunch. In the back of my mind I had been also planning to drop by a taco shop on the corner of Kenmare St. and Cleveland Place down in the village, which also had a cheesecake place across the street, sometime soon, and since it was getting warmer outside, I figured why not just go there today and tackle those goals as well. I had no cash on me so I stopped off at a nearby bank to pull a twenty out of an ATM. As I was walking in, a blonde well-to-do lady was walking out. I put my card in the machine and began the ATM process, meanwhile a gentleman inside the bank lobby said the blonde lady had left her card in the machine. I gave the best description I vaguely remembered of her in that one second of seeing her and said she went rightward. The guy ran out after her with the card, and when I left the bank with my twenty dollar bill, it seemed like he wasn't able to locate her on the busy Manhattan sidewalk. I didn't stay and watch, but I don't think he went back inside the bank to drop off the card. He might've taken it with him instead to wherever he was going. Perhaps he wanted an excuse to meet her in person and try and get a date or something.

             At Grand Central I hopped on the 6 train and it took a short ride to Spring Street, which is only two blocks away from the corner that contains the taco and cheesecake places. I did try La Esquina (Spanish for "The Corner") last year and was very satisfied with their authentic tacos, I couldn't understand why it had taken me so long to return. It was still in the middle of lunchtime, so when I entered the narrow eatery it was packed like a can of sardines with long line. There is a long counter with about eight seats for those who want to eat there, but when I arrived they were all full, so I needed to take my order to go. I went with the bistec and lengua (tongue) tacos with a bottle of lime soda. When you order, they ask your name and call it when the food is ready. After I ordered about three seats opened up, plus the many inside had left with their food for take-out, so now I had the chance to dine in as long as my food was ready in time before other people took the seats. The cashier called "James", and at first I was a little perplexed why was my food ready so fast. Others on the line before me seemed to have been waiting for longer periods of time. Plus, although she did have the bistec taco on top, both tacos were plated to eat in when I told her I wanted it to go. I still wasn't 100% if this was my food, but as I approached the counter she handed me a green bottle (which I assumed to be lime soda) so I figured this had to be mine. I took the food and hurried to an open stool at the counter. The second taco I had didn't really look like tongue, and it didn't fit the description that was on the menu. I peeked over at my green bottle and instead of lime, it said pineapple. Now I was having doubts that I had the correct food.

              A few stools over I was able to hear a couple grumbling about how long they were waiting for their order to be ready. Seeing I likely might've taken their food, I scoffed down the two tacos as fast as possible in hopes of getting out of there quick before anyone was the wiser. With my Giants hat and sweatshirt on, I would be very easy for the cashier to track down if she had any sort of reasonable memory. The guy went up to the cashier and finally returned with food, but it seemed as if he had to order a second time. I heard him mention to the girl that, "someone took my order", and when the girl called him "James", I realized what happened. The cashier called "James" for him, but me "James" thought it was for me. Two tacos and a green bottle - it was almost identical orders. Many times restaurants will give out order numbers to avoid this type of confusion. In this case my first name caused me to steal someone else's tacos. Just as I was about done with my second taco I heard the cashier calling for "James", that was for my real order. Obviously I couldn't go get it because she'll probably recall I took food already minutes earlier. She kept calling for me and naming the tacos, "bistec" and "lengua", and from the corner of my eye I saw the tacos were packed to go, as I requested. My only choice was to remain in my seat and act like nothing was wrong. I caught a lucky break that another waive of customers filed in and started to line up in front of the cashier. She called out my name a couple more times, but now that she was busy with new customers, I was able to use that distraction to slip out the door like a thief in the night (early afternoon actually). With the two stolen tacos and the armored truck job from earlier in the day, the smart move would be to leave the city before the authorities had a chance to close in on my position, but there was still the cheesecake affair to tend to.

             About a ten second walk from La Esquina in a cozy location is Eileen's Special Cheesecake. The store itself is rather small, but there's a large blue awning out front that can't be missed. Originally opened in 1975 to service restaurants and businesses in Manhattan with their baked goods, they were successful enough to open a second location in Queens which is still in operation today. Of course they also accept walk-in customers who wish to sit down for a treat or take something home. The inside is decorated wall to wall with signed photos from all sorts of celebrities who have enjoyed their cakes and cookies over the years. Recently I've been putting cheesecake dealers to the taste test and so far I rank Lindy's as my favorite to date. Eileen's has been around for over thirty-five years, so I knew going in they certainly had a contender on their hands. Instead of selling them by the slice, what Eileen's does different is sell them in little round-shaped discs, like hockey pucks. The good part is that they're all priced at $3.50 no matter if you want plain or a flavored one, such as blueberry, strawberry, etc. The size of them is fair value for the price and it also feels like your not packing on too many calories in which your typical slice of cheesecake makes you have to go to the gym for a week straight. I couldn't decide between getting plain or strawberry, so I took both. On the taste aspect they were certainly up to par with other high-quality cheesecakes I've tasted in the past. I probably wouldn't give them to nod over Lindy's, but I could see them being better than the fluffy texture of the Brooklyn Diner. What might've hurt is that I forgot to eat it with a cup of coffee, so maybe I'll need to go back to Eileen's to try it again with coffee. As for La Esquina, I probably shouldn't show my face around there for a while.

              All for the sake of getting a book signed.....

The Debowlerization of America

             I've had the burning desire to go bowling over the past month, but this or that thing tends to appear out of nowhere and I ended up not going. On an otherwise uneventful Tuesday night, I decided the wait had to end, I wanted to go bowling and nothing should stand in my way. There's plenty of bowling spots in the city such as the Bowlmor franchise, but I was looking for a real old fashion bowling alley. The new age bowling places have turned into trendy lounges and clubs that cater to corporate outings and collar-up sweatervest bachelor parties which goes against the whole idea of a bowling alley. These lame alleys have bouncers in the front like its some fancy hotspot. A bowling alley should have a dented front door in which the glass is cracked. The inside should stink of body odor, chalk, and cigarettes. The lighting should be dim; not because of design, but because a few of bulbs burnt out. The rental shoes should be worn out and the once white shoelaces need to be graying and about to snap. The bowling balls themselves should be chipped, cracked, and the weight number should be faded out so you can't tell how heavy the ball is. The only food options should be microwavable mozzarella sticks and greasy shoestring french fries. The bathroom must be absolutely atrocious and the toilet unusable under any circumstance. That's a bowling alley!!

             With the number of real bowling alleys rapidly shrinking over the past twenty years, my options were very limited. There used to be two locations very close to me, but they're both gone now. There is another not too far from me, but it doesn't fit the description above I was seeking in a properly looking and smelling bowling alley. The only location that was somewhat holding onto the old tradition of rancidness as far as I knew was located up in White Plains. The last time I was there was probably about 2005. I didn't know the exact street name the place was on or what the name of the alley even was, but I remembered how to get there. It's by the Westchester County Center, the place I visited for the Toy & Train as well as the Cat Show about a year ago. I drove up there all ready to bowl, but there was one small problem: I didn't see the alley anymore. In thinking perhaps I passed by it without noticing a sign, I went back and drove by again, and still there was no trace of it. Was this place another victim of the debowlerization that has been occurring in this country over the last two decades? As of 2008, New York was leading all states with 410 listed bowling alleys, while other parts of the country, such as Washington DC, had zero. The number of bowling alleys have been decreasing and the ones that still exist are morphed into "scenes" like Bowlmor or are a part of an overall entertainment zone that also features arcade games, laser tag, go-carts, batting cages, etc. Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton grabbing their bowling bowls to go out with the guys used to be part of American culture. Bowling on a Friday or Saturday night was a piece of fabric in society such as going to church on Sunday. The question becomes; why are the alleys disappearing and why don't people bowl anymore?

             The two parts of this equation are the human beings needed to bowl and the buildings for the humanoids to bowl in. With the large amount of options for programming to watch on cable or satellite television, as well as the unlimited amount of destinations to browse on the internet, there's less of a need to venture outside the household for entertainment when there is so much amusement to be done at home or in the palm of a hand. Whatever human contact is able to survive the lure of Amazon.com and "Doomsday Preppers" is fragmented by the constant need to consult a small handheld device to check email and text messages, or see what's been posted on Facebook (like ZEIsSIT World blog posts). The idea of pure human connection without internet access somewhere in the midst is all about gone and the desire for activities that live outside the gigabyte world are less ingrained on the human soul than it was forty or fifty years ago. Not only have bowling alleys been victimized by this, but other social venues such as pool halls, clubs, arcades, sporting events, and church have either totally evaporated or have been severely watered down. One might say there's millions of clubs in existence, but the response back should be a second consideration if the place is really a club by definition. The clubs of today have become a beacon of the pretentious with thousand-dollar bottle service and leather couches that highlight the importance of wealth. The end result of focusing on wealth instead of the plight of the people has brought a crumbling musical expressionism which of course is fed back into the same venue which continues the trend of a lowered quality of music.

             The original idea behind a club was for the poor to gather and promote the music which speaks of the social ills or humiliates of the day. The small stages of the late 1950's were the roots for Bob Dylan and The Beatles(in UK), the discos of the 1970's brought Donna Summer and The Bee Gees to life, the dingy spots of the 1980's produced Madonna and The Ramones, and although music was headed downwards at this point, the rugged halls of the late 1980's to early 1990's put Tupac Shakur, Jay-Z, Puff Daddy, Biggie Smalls, all on the map. The boom of cable television in the mid 1980's began this watering down of humanity, eventually leading to the losing desire for places like bowling alleys and the lost ability to recognize quality music. The internet explosion of the mid 1990's sealed the deal so much so that by this month and year in 2013 here are the current Billboard Top Ten Artists and Songs:

1. Thrift Shop by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis Featuring Wanz
2. Locked Out Of Heaven by Bruno Mars
3. Scream & Shout by will.i.am & Britney Spears
4. Ho Hey by The Lumineers
5. I Knew You Were Trouble by Taylor Swift
6. Don't You Worry Child by Swedish House Mafia Featuring John Martin
7. Daylight by Maroon 5
8. Suit & Tie by Justin Timberlake Featuring Jay Z
9. When I Was Your Man by Bruno Mars
10. Beauty And A Beat by Justin Bieber Featuring Nicki Minaj

(Here is the Billboard Top Ten during this month in 1965 when there was no bottle service or iPhone and alot more bowling alleys!!!)

1. You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin' by The Righteous Brothers
2. Downtown by Petula Clark
3. The Name Game by Shirley Ellis
4. This Diamond Ring by Gary Lewis And The Playboys
5. Hold What You've Got by Joe Tex
6. Love Potion Number Nine by The Searchers
7. All Day And All Of The Night by The Kinks
8. My Girl by The Temptations
9. How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You by Marvin Gaye
10. Shake by Sam Cooke

             Of course everyone is entitled to their own taste in music and opinion what is good or not, but for some reason I have a hard time being convinced "Beauty and A Beat" is anywhere on the same planet or even in the galaxy as "My Girl". The scary thought as the continued trend goes on is what will the Billboard Top Ten look like in the Year 2050. Sporting contests are still part of our culture, but this current version of fans simply aren't into them as they once were. More than half the audience are entranced by their handheld device that they barely watch the action on the field. Crowd participation has filtered out and fans are hardly into these games anymore. As a cheap attempt to make up for the lack of real fan support, the popular thing to do today is to berate athletes on their Twitter accounts or to gang assault fans who wear the jerseys of opposing teams in the parking lot. The caliber of people who can't detect the lack of depth in today's music and spend two hundred dollars on a ticket to a game, only use that time to stare at their iPhone instead of the game itself, in the long run aren't going to be the type of go to the bowling alley. With the loss of customers, its understandable why the bowling alleys were on their way to extinction. There's also the other half of the problem which has brought the rapid loss of these once treasured places to socialize and have fun. Corporations and their chains have been eating this country alive over the past two decades. At every turn, Best Buy, BJ's, Target, Walmart, Kmart, Pier1 Imports, and alike has been grabbing every piece of available land to increase their footprint. In addition, a growing population and the ever present housing market will always influence land owners to build apartments or condos. The formula is to first raise the rent on a struggling bowling alley so it can finally go out of business, then they'll be space to build a new Ikea or an ugly row of generic condos. The majority can't take notice because they're busy watching a Maroon 5 music video on their iPhone during the 9th inning of a tied ballgame.

             After a while driving I finally realized this bowling alley had been swallowed whole from a rotting humanity and there would be no bowling for me on this chilly night. My mind soon turned to food as the goal for the evening and I kept going down this road until I was to encounter a restaurant appetizing enough to try out. My eyes caught one establishment called La Manda's, but since I had to also pay attention to the road, I really couldn't make out if the place was Italian or Mexican cuisine. I figured I would drive for about another ten minutes, and if I didn't see anything else, I would turn around and head straight for La Manda's. By this time I was entering the Village of Elmsford with its numerous seedy hotels and motels near the border. I would come upon one of the bigger hotel chains and there must have been some type of emergency because there was about ten twelve firetrucks and police cars out front. The building looked very familiar to me and it took awhile for me to make the connection. In early 2004 I attended a job fair there for selling final expenses insurance. I don't remember the company's name, but they rented out a large conference room in the hotel and invited about fifty candidates, including myself, to explain what they do and to find future salespeople. The job would essentially involve going to the homes of usually older people and to get them to buy an insurance package that would one day pay for their final expenses. I sat down for a one on one interview with a company recruiter, but I guess I didn't have "Final Expenses Salesman" written onto my face because they didn't call me back afterwards. Reminiscing on it now, the guys who were running the conference were rather creepy looking and its better they didn't want me to join them. I made this hotel my turning around point and I went back from where I came. I parked in front of La Manda's and once I saw the word "pizzeria", I realized it was an Italian restaurant.

             There's a bar as soon as you walk in and towards the right are tables for groups. Two people were already at the bar, so I figured I take my seat there and join the party. The restaurant had an old fashion look to it which was a welcoming sight after suffering the pain of a dead bowling alley. La Manda's Pizza has been around since 1947, and the bathroom probably never changed. The door to the toilet is something out of an antique show and offers little privacy, but in all I was really liking the environment. At the bar there was an elderly gentleman dressed up in a suit. From the way the bartender and other workers spoke to him, it seems like the guy is in there at least five nights a week. The time was about 6:30 pm and the dinner crowd kept coming in. One couple sat up at the bar, some waited in the front for take-out orders, but most were seen to a table. No matter who they were or where they sat, either the bartender or a worker knew who they were and patrons were greeted like family. I was the real unknown entity, everyone else knew each other. Perhaps there's not many options in the area, so everyone goes there to eat, or maybe there's some other type of charm which has kept the place in existence since 1947. In a fast pace world that caters to rancid music and five million Best Buy locations, it was refreshing to find this place where nobody is a stranger. My go-to lately for Italian restaurants has been veal parmigiana. So I ordered that up with a side of spaghetti and a small bottle of white wine. The veal came out in less that ten minutes from when I ordered it, so that raised a reg flag in my mind. The cheese looked like it was tossed on real fast and it was hardly melted into the veal the way it should be. The sauce and the veal itself was a little flat in the taste department, not terrible, but certainly nothing to instill the urge to rush back and have it again. Perhaps La Manda's is more of a pizzeria and in that area is where they shine.

             The bartender offered the dessert menu and of course I had to take a peek. Originally I was thinking of a treat somewhere else on the way home, like a diner. One of the options was Italian cheesecake which I've seen before on menus, but never tried. Since I was already seated at nice cozy place, why go somewhere else for dessert? I went with a slice of the Italian cheesecake and a cup of coffee. I was curious what the difference was between an Italian cheesecake and the more common New York-style, and the answer is all in the texture. Whereas the New York cheesecake is firm, the Italian version is softer and has a cottage cheese look about it. Also it tasted more like a plain cookie than that sweet-cheese essence I have been accustomed to. Having experienced both styles of cheesecake, I'll lean with the original New York-style any day of the week. In all I can't say I was blown away by the food and dessert of La Manda's, but any gap in the taste department was more than made up for in environment. It's worth going there just to sit down for a while and watch the television set at the bar. For patrons who need to go outside to smoke, there's even an ashtray on the telephone pole out front. I was certainly bummed out that I couldn't go bowling on that night, but at least the loss of the bowling alley allowed me to find an old fashioned world like La Manda's.

             There's still little traces of humanity left, but you have to dig deeper to find them.....

Tuning Out the Current Events

             Christmas shopping is an enjoyable activity, but it can get complicated and drawn out if not planned correctly. This year I wanted to do all my holiday shopping in one big swoop at one mall during one afternoon. In addition to the shopping, I also enjoy a mall experience that includes a nice eatery, not the typical food court options of McDonald's and Sbarro, but something that resembles a sit-in restaurant. Combining all these factors with a wide variety of places to shop for gift ideas, my choice was the Palisades Mall, officially known as the Palisades Center, up in West Nyack.

             As Christmas was drawing nearer, holiday crowds at shopping areas were piling up, so my plan was to go during the middle of a weekday when a good amount of people would still be at work or in school. It was a grey afternoon as my journey began, dark clouds above release tiny rain drops from the sky. Luckily the roads and highways were quite free of other motorists and my trip there took less than an hour. I started off with the I-95, which cost me $1.75 worth of quarters at the toll booth. Then I switched over to the I-287 West that took me over the Tappan Zee Bridge and across the scenic route of the mountainous Hudson River Valley. One of the biggest problems with the Palisades, especially during a busy shopping time such as this, is finding parking. There's outdoor parking and a garage underneath. When I first started going to the Palisades I would always head for the underground parking and would have to circle around in my car for twenty minutes until a spot would finally open up. Lately, I've been having more luck finding a spot outside much quicker, so this time I was going to stay on the outside and try my luck with what had been working. I was one block away stuck at a red light when I scanned the massive lot looking for any openings. Just then, I saw a jeep pull out, but I was still stuck at the light and helpless to take it. There were at least four vehicles ahead of me, I was hoping none of them noticed it. One by one they each foolishly drove ahead to the underground lot, so I jolted ahead and took the open spot once the light turned green. It was a new personal speed record for finding a place to park at the Palisades.

             One of the most noticing features of the Palisades when I first saw it was it's carpeted flooring. I've always been used to malls having hard flooring, but when I first laid eyes on the carpet of the Palisades, it was like I was in another world. The rugged flooring is still there, and after a number of spilled sodas and dirt stains, its carrying on. Since it was the Holiday Season there was a Santa Claus area for kids to meet and greet Kris Kringle, or be scarred out of their pants by, but at the hour I arrived he wasn't on duty yet. The mall was decorated with holiday ornaments and there were several large Christmas trees standing tall. It was still around lunchtime and I just had the drive, so before shopping I wanted to go to the top floor where the restaurants were to have a nice bite to eat. When I reached the floor I saw a bunch of old pictures along the wall which I never really noticed before. Most of them had to do with historical aspects of the Nyack area and with the construction of the Tappan Zee Bridge. I would've like to study them a little more, but I was hungry and wanted to get my shopping completed before the major crowds started swarming in. I did a quick sweep of the options which included Chili's, TGI-Fridays, Dave & Buster's, Buffalo Wild Wings, some Japanese place, and then I saw Stir Crazy. I passed it a dozens times previously and had always wanted to know what it was about. There's a picture of a bowl of noodles on the logo, so I figured it had something to do with Chinese or Thai food, which was good enough for me, so without checking out any other places, I went with going Stir Crazy.

              I was by myself, so as usual in these cases I went to sit at the bar area instead of taking up a whole table just for myself. To start I ordered a mango margarita, which was served frozen, then for the meal I selected the lunch Market Bar (there's also a dinner version as well). What Market Bar is that instead of ordering a standard dish, you select a meat and either rice or noodle, then from there you create your own plate from vegetables and other ingredients, you bring it to the cooks, and they stir fry it for you in a wok pan right in front of your eyes. Basically, you're creating your own dish and monitoring it so nobody sneezes in your food unknowingly. There's a line of chefs, about four of them working at once, frying up the pans with large flames shooting up in the air. There's a sign warning patrons to stand back from the glass, and after the first flame explodes into the sky, you understand why. I picked tofu and flat noodles, and then decorated my pan with onions, peppers, mini-corn, peanuts, and some kind of brown sauce/oil. In less than five minutes my meal was finished and I was able to take it back to the bar to eat. By this time a family had taken seats nearby my bar stool. It was a young couple with a small girl who could've have been more than five or six years old. It seemed as if there were waiting for a take-out order, but in the meantime they had the girl plopped up on a stool next to me and bending her elbow to a small carton of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish. I'm pretty sure by law a minor, especially of that age, shouldn't be allowed to sit there with bottles of alcohol only a few feet away. I couldn't really enjoy my mango margarita because I felt like I was at a Chucky E. Cheese's or something. I picked away at my food and had to wait almost ten minutes till the family left before I was to make bigger strides with my drink.

             Once I was done with my lunch and drink at Stir Crazy, instead of immediately going to shop, I wanted to see what other restaurants I might've missed on the floor. I was filled with regret when I saw that they had opened an IHOP (International House of Pancakes) inside the place. How I wished I knew that sooner. I've been wanting to go to an IHOP for a very long time, but they never seem to be around when you need one. Had I known once had opened up at the Palisades, I would've certainly selected that over Stir Crazy. If the IHOP update wasn't amazing enough, right next to it and coming soon they're going to open up a Red Robin!!! I've been in search of a Red Robin and it seems the closest one to date had been out in Long Island, a place I usually get lost driving in with the variety of Sunken Brook and Middle Brook highways that lead to nowheresville. Knowing a Red Robin will be accessible at the Palisades is a vital piece of information for future action. My tofu and noodle lunch went down fine, but what was missing was that final touch of some type of sweets for dessert. Also on this floor was a Cold Stone Creamery with it's many loaded-with-fat ice cream flavors. The girl behind the counter saw I has my eye on their new salted caramel flavor, so she provided me with a sample spoon's worth to taste test. I found it to be too salty, so I just went with a small cup of banana-strawberry sorbet (no fat) to play it safe.

             Along with stores, restaurants, an ice skating rink, a bowling ally, an IMAX theater, and carpeted floors, what also makes the Palisades more than the usual mall experience is their numerous rides and adventures. The new one this time is their Palisades Climb Adventure for fourteen dollars. It's a contraption that is about as high as the mall itself in which brave climbers strap a harness around their waist and climb down a man-made mountain. I must say it was quite tempting, but something about it wrecked of those carnivals rides that fall apart midway through and launch a rider to the moon. Plus, ever since the shaky Sky Ride I took on the Jersey Shore back in July, I've been queasy of heights and didn't need to lose my lunch in front of a packed mall of holiday shoppers. I put the Palisades Climb out of my mind and got down to the business at hand. I went through a couple of stores and bought a few gifts, but something was bothering me. Although I had the sorbet for dessert, it really didn't hit the spot, I needed more!! Then it occurred to me, the mall also has a Cheesecake Factory. As much as I regretted not going to IHOP which I knew nothing about previously, I regretted not going to the Cheesecake Factory in which I did know about beforehand. Since I'm a cheesecake fan, I asked myself how did I ever go this long without visiting this place? The only slice I ever had from them was from a Barnes-n-Noble that sells their goods in the cafe area, along with Starbuck's own coffee. I really wasn't aiming to eat a heavy slice of cheesecake, so I told myself, if they have one that has something to do with red velvet, I'll get it, if not, I'll turn around and walk out. I was hoping they would have some type of area where I could sit and just have a slice of cake and coffee. When I looked inside it seemed to be more of a restaurant than a diner setting, and even though they had a bar area, it just didn't fit sitting down and only having cake. My only other option was the take-out line.

             I walked up to the display glass and saw all the different types of cheesecakes available. My eyes darted upwards and downwards, left to right, and there it was with only two slices left - red velvet cheesecake. The first time I remember having this was back in 2007 or 2008 at the Junior's Restaurant up at the Foxwoods Casino in Connecticut. Although, earlier this year I went to the original Junior's in Brooklyn and they didn't have it. The second time I had this combo was towards the beginning of this year at the Riverdale Diner. It tasted alright, but when the server sliced it, the cake came out all busted up on the plate. The slice I had at Foxwoods was firm and put together picturesquely. The Cheesecake Factory charged over eight dollars for this slice, but they at least put it in a fancy plastic container and gave me a nice bag to carry it in, so I didn't mind paying a few extra bucks for the ambiance. Since there was nowhere to eat it inside, I had to sit down at a mall bench and dig in there. Like what happened at the Riverdale Diner, and since it was to-go, the slice was all busted up again in the container. It did taste better than the Riverdale version, but overall I think I would've enjoyed it more had I been able to sit a a nice table inside the restaurant and had a cup of coffee to go with it. The whole experience of cramming it down at a mall bench with a bunch of shopping bags next to me took some of the taste away.

             It was back to shopping and my next stop was at Dick's Sporting Goods, which is like a Modell's or Sports Authority on steroids. This was my first time in one ever and at the Palisades they actually take up two floors with their  multitude of merchandise. Dick's gets into the real hardcore sporting stuff, whereas the other places just branch as far as yoga mats and hockey sticks. What I was quite stunned to see the NXT Shotgun for kids out on display. Granted it only shoots foam bullets, but a week after the school shooting tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, CT, one would think an item like that would be pulled from the shelves out of respect and/or courtesy in dealing with children. After scratching my head over that one, I looked up and saw a crowd gathered at a corner section of the store, so I went over to check out what the commotion was about. I should've guessed - people were there to look at the real big-boy guns. There were rifles, shotguns, and the accessories to go with them for stocking stuffers. Laws on Gun Control are going to be the hot item for the next fifteen minutes, but in the meantime people continue to flock towards these "tools" and stare at them with awe. I can understand the real guns still being sold since that's a business and Guns Rights issue, but I'm surprised the store management didn't decide to pull the toy guns for a few weeks with what's going on currently in the news. Maybe Dick's just tuned it out, and with firearms sales raking in $60 billion a year for US gun manufacturers, they'll likely tune it out as well.

             By this time my shopping was just about completed and fatigue was setting in from the three hours of eating and walking around with heavy bags on my wrists. I knew it would be dark outside and I had the drive back home to deal with. I needed a little pep to add to my step, so when I walked by a Haagen-Dazs stand, my eye caught the advertisement for an eighty-nine cents cup of coffee. I had six dollars left in my wallet; a five and a single. I would be able to use my single for this business transaction. I was expecting some type of specialty Haagen-Dazs brand of coffee, but all they had brewing was some generic mud you get at a corner store deli or bodega. Worst than that actually, this tasted like brown water. It was self-serve and there was sugar there, but when I asked the lady behind the counter for milk, she first looked at me like I was crazy. Then after a few seconds she caught onto the concept of coffee and milk and went into the mini-fridge to hand me a half-gallon carton. I walked a few yards away from the stand to take a few sips, and it was absolutely horrible. I'm not sure if that coffee pot was sitting out all day (or all week) or maybe they didn't put enough coffee ground bean into the machine, but it just tasted like water. I threw it into the garbage after only drinking up twenty-five percent of the cup. What ever Haagan-Dazs does in the future, they should certainly stay away from coffee. I took that as a sign that it was time to leave the Palisades for the day. I had completed my mission of getting all my Christmas shopping done and even found time to slip in a red velvet cheesecake. The toll getting back after crossing the Tappan Zee going east took away my five-dollar bill and left my wallet empty of any cash.

              Late December would be quite a bore without Christmas....